Enneagram 101

September 8, 2023September 1, 2023Leave a comment

So what exactly is this Enneagram thing anyway? Maybe you’ve heard about it on social media or from a friend saying “that’s such a (fill in the blank number) thing to do.” In this post I’m sharing a brief intro into my understanding of The Enneagram.

The Enneagram is a personality typing system and the first thing to let you know is that it’s not real. By real I mean that many psychologists would say it’s not a valid and reliable measure and holds no real meaning. I don’t disagree with them. And yet I find it really helpful in my personal life and with clients.

The Enneagram is, at its core, a spiritual practice. The gist is there are nine personality types, best defined as nine different ways of seeing the world. In any given moment, there are thousands of pieces of data my mind could be focusing on – the view out the window, the facial expression of a person nearby, that card I need to put in the mail today, some difficult interaction I had yesterday, my stomach saying I’m hungry…you get the idea. We can’t focus on everything all at once and The Enneagram is a way of explaining what we might focus on more often and give an understanding of our motivation for this.

When I first heard about The Enneagram I was skeptical. The most widely accepted measure of personality in my field is OCEAN (openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism). OCEAN is valid and reliable and often used in psychological research. The problem is it’s not that user-friendly for the average person. I can know I’m high in conscientiousness and agreeableness and low in neuroticism but it doesn’t easily explain my reality or how I understand the world and communicate that to others.

The Enneagram is shorthand and I always let clients know that if it isn’t a good fit for them, no problem. Except it usually is a good fit and sparks helpful conversation about how a person understands the world, communicates and behaves. It’s helped me understand myself and also helped in understanding relationships where I know the other person’s number. For example, my 6 husband sees all the potential outcomes of a situation. He thinks of “what ifs” that I would never have considered. Often this is helpful. In excess it’s an anxiety-ridden house of mirrors where reality feels skewed by so many potential negative outcomes. As a 1, I just want to do the “right” thing. I might say, “I just know in my gut this is the right decision. No, I haven’t assessed every potential what if. But this is what we should do.” Sometimes this has led to conflict. Maybe more than sometimes. But understanding myself as a 1 and him as a 6 has helped us tap into the best of ourselves, tame down the worst of ourselves, and better understand the other person’s perspective.

I’ll do future posts on each number but here’s a very high-level overview from my favorite book on the topic, The Road Back to You.

1. THE PERFECTIONIST – ethical, dedicated and reliable, they are motivated by a desire to live the right way, improve the world, and avoid fault and blame.

2. THE HELPER – warm, caring and giving, they are motivated by a need to be loved and needed, and to avoid acknowledging their own needs.

3. THE PERFORMER – success-oriented, image-conscious and wired for productivity, they are motivated by a need to be (or appear to be) successful and avoid failure.

4. THE ROMANTIC – creative, sensitive and moody, they are motivated by a need to be understood, experience their feelings and avoid being ordinary.

5. THE INVESTIGATOR – analytical, detached and private, they are motivated by a need to gain knowledge, conserve energy and avoid relying on others.

6. THE LOYALIST – committed, practical and witty…worst-case-scenario thinkers…motivated by fear and the need for security.

7. THE ENTHUSIAST – fun, spontaneous and adventurous…motivated by a need to be happy, to plan stimulating experiences and to avoid pain.

8. THE CHALLENGER – commanding, intense and confrontational…motivated by a need to be strong and avoid feeling weak or vulnerable.

9. THE PEACEMAKER – pleasant, laid back and accommodating…motivated by a need to keep the peace, merge with others and avoid conflict.

To limit the variety of human personalities to only 9 is highly reductive. No person is exactly all of these or only these. Rather, we’re all a little of all nine. Check out The Road Back to You for more information. It’s a quick read.

Choosing Dinner and Pleasing a Crowd

September 1, 2023September 1, 2023Leave a comment

Last week I posted about dinnertime conversation and this week I’ll stay on the topic of dinner. Our household includes three children and two parents and it’s tricky to please 5 different taste preferences for dinner every night.

About a year ago I hit the limit of comments that “I don’t like this” and “can I make myself a pb&j?” I’m the primary cook in our house and I want to serve dinners that are nutritious and that my family likes but it was starting to feel impossible. I needed a change for my mental health’s sake.

At the Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back dinner, I started asking my kids what meals they DO enjoy. Like the first-born, type-A, enneagram 1 that I am, I started a list of the meals I generally make and came up with 31, which included made-from-scratch options all the way to frozen pizza. I tallied which family members like each one and ended with only 8 meals that all 5 of us agree are awesome. This felt a little disheartening but also empowering that I know what will work consistently.

So the new plan became serving something from the 5/5 stars list on Monday and Tuesday and then the rest of the week serve other meals with lower ratings. Anyone who doesn’t like dinner from Wednesday-on has the option of leftovers from the Monday and Tuesday preferred options.

This plan has been a game changer. I’m happy to say the list of 8 is growing as we add more meals and my kids start liking some that used to be on their do not like list.

Oh and in case you’re wondering what’s on the 5/5 list:

Chili

Lasagna

Popcorn Chicken

Pork roast

Beef over noodles

Homemade chicken noodle soup

Grilled chicken breast

BLTs

Pizza

Spaghetti with meatballs

Beef tacos

Breakfast for dinner

August 25, 2023Leave a comment

School’s back in session which means I have a moment to write a post. I love the feeling of back to school season. The fresh start makes it a great time to set new intentions like connecting more as a family. One of my favorite traditions at our house is to share our Rose-Thorn-Bud at dinner.

This started years ago as sharing our Favorite thing (high) and Trouble (low) for the day. When our son who was two he would say the exact same thing at every meal, “My favorite thing is I got to see all you guuuuys…and no trouble was.” I can still hear that phrase in his toddler voice.

Favorite Thing and Trouble has evolved over time to Rose-Thorn-Bud and I love that it stimulates conversation and gives us all a peek into each other’s day.

It looks like this, with each person sharing:

Rose: something good that happened today

Thorn: something not so good that happened today

Bud: something you’re looking forward to

Budthorn: (bonus 4th item my kids created to talk about something upcoming that induces dread i.e. vaccines, tests at school)

The only rule is that everyone has to have to have a rose. A few times my kiddos have said it was a horrible day and there’s nothing good to share because it was a day of thorns only. We remind them that those thorns are real. It was a hard day. We can experience those feelings and also find the tiniest piece of gratitude, even if it’s just that we have food to eat.

Gratitude and connecting with others are helpful tools to improve our mental health. If you’re looking to improve dinner time conversation, I hope you’ll give Rose-Thorn-Bud a try.

So You Want to Be a Therapist

May 2, 2023May 2, 2023Leave a comment

Since starting a private practice almost 6 years ago, I’ve been asked to attend multiple career fairs and to host visits with middle and high school students interested in mental health professions. It’s exciting to see young people interested in the field and I hope I can inspire their professional ambitions and offer perspective on the realities of mental health as a career.

First, I share that becoming a therapist will require a bachelor’s and a master’s degree. There isn’t a specific bachelor’s degree, but therapists often start in a field like social work, psychology, sociology, or family studies. I started out as an undergrad thinking I wanted to become a physician but quickly I found I don’t like chemistry. Looking ahead I saw a whole lot more chemistry and realized that path wasn’t for me. I spent a couple semesters discerning my major until I took a course called Introduction to Human Development and it changed the trajectory of my career. I loved studying for that class and I felt inspired to learn more, so much that I made it my bachelor’s degree major.

After earning a bachelor’s degree, therapists need a master’s and there are several paths to get there, including social work, marriage and family therapy, counseling and psychology. Each has its own particular flavor and I’m happy to talk through those with students interested in becoming therapists. I took the social work path and it was a great decision for me.

Next I share with students the Bureau of Labor Statistics (bls.gov) information about six important skills needed in this work. The first three I summarize as the direct client work, including communication, empathy, and interpersonal skills. If you generally don’t like people, this is not the field for you. The second three are the indirect work, including problem-solving, time management and organizational skills. Having supervised at least a dozen bachelor’s and master’s-level students, I can attest that these skills are key. I believe they can be improved, but a baseline in those six areas is necessary to be successful in the field.

In the last section, I highlight the pros and cons of practicing in an outpatient private practice clinic in a rural area. Positives include the rewarding nature of the work, a growing field due to a high demand for therapy, and flexibility in setting your own schedule. Some negative aspects are combating burnout, difficulties with insurance reimbursement, and the potential for dual relationships in a small town.

I’m hopeful as I see young people prioritizing their mental health and de-stigmatizing seeking therapy. I love my work and I love sharing that passion with others, hopefully inspiring the next generation of helping professionals.

Mental Health First Aid

November 7, 2022Leave a comment

In response to our nation’s mental health crisis, First United Methodist Church of Hiawatha in partnership with Horizon Therapy will bring Mental Health First Aid training to Hiawatha for a two-day training event on Sunday, November 20th and December 11th from 12-4pm each day. This groundbreaking skills-based course gives people the tools to identify, understand and respond to someone who might be struggling with a mental health or substance use challenge — and connect them with appropriate support and resources when necessary.

One in five Americans has a mental illness, and the pandemic has dramatically increased depression and anxiety, but many are reluctant to seek help or don’t know where to turn for care. Unlike physical conditions, symptoms of mental health and substance use problems can be difficult to detect. Friends and family members may find it hard to know when and how to step in. As a result, those in need of mental health services often do not receive care until it is too late.

Just as CPR helps even those without clinical training assist an individual having a heart attack, Mental Health First Aid prepares participants to interact with a person experiencing a mental health crisis. Mental Health First Aiders learn a 5-step Action Plan that guides them through the process of reaching out and offering appropriate support.

“Never has it been more important for our communities to talk about mental health and substance use,” says Chuck Ingoglia, president and CEO of the National Council for Mental Wellbeing, which helped bring Mental Health First Aid to the U.S. in 2008. “This program is breaking down barriers and stigma so that together we can learn how to better support one another. Without mental health, there is no health.”

In just 12 years, Mental Health First Aid has become a full-blown movement in the United States — more than 2.5 million people are certified Mental Health First Aiders, and that number is growing every day.

Lunch and materials are provided by FUMC Healthy Congregations committee. The training is limited to 30 participants and interested persons can email sarah@therapyhorizon.com to reserve a space.

October 28, 2022Leave a comment

Last week driving in to my office I was struck by the beauty of the maple trees lining the blocks on my route. I paused to watch the leaves, nearly neon red, as they floated down in the breeze and the best way I could describe them is confetti or a ticker tape parade. It was breathtaking. In that moment I was mindful of the beauty in nature and grateful to experience it. That mindful moment was incredibly bucket-filling and I found myself thinking about it later in the day with a sense of peace.

So often my life is the opposite of peaceful. I’m running around on auto-pilot, rushing from one task to the next, never caught up. Many of my clients report the same level of frantic living. Sometimes I assign therapy homework to hit pause and savor one thing each day – a gorgeous sunset or the smell of a fresh brewed cup of coffee in the morning. Mindfulness doesn’t have to be difficult – it’s basically hitting pause, noticing thoughts/feelings/sensations, and paying attention just to this moment.

Halloween is a few days away so the ‘holiday season’ officially is here. There are so many opportunities for mindfulness during the holidays – the smell of turkey baking on Thanksgiving, the crisp morning air when it snows, twinkling Christmas lights, and more. I’m taking a mental note to deliberately pause, to drink in the beauty of these moments and feel gratitude for my life.

Finding Your Unicorn Space

October 21, 2022Leave a comment

I haven’t written here in a long time. Actually I checked and it’s just shy of two years. We all were knee-deep in the pandemic then, virtual school and all. That post was on creating a gap plan and it reflected where I was emotionally. Just survival.

With gratitude I don’t find myself in that level of stress today. I’d like to hope I, and all of us, have grown since that time, including re-prioritizing our lives to focus on what’s most important. I’ve been reading more in the past couple years, most recently a book by Eve Rodsky called Finding Your Unicorn Space. The tagline sold me – “reclaim your creative life in a too-busy world.” Boom. Part of the re-prioritizing for me involves creativity, slowing down, and reflecting.

The book defines a Unicorn Space as the active pursuit of creative self-expression and reinforces that creativity is not an option but rather an essential part of being human. We crave this. I enjoyed reading about other folks’ unicorn spaces, ranging from common pursuits such as gardening or woodworking to amateur trapeze artistry or joining a hip hop dance troupe.

This sent me on a quest to consider my own Unicorn Spaces. Where do I feel creative and uniquely me? It was hard to think of something initially. Basically I spend a lot of my time working or driving kids to practice. I do enjoy making craft-y things but my Cricut is covered in dust. I enjoy cooking or baking on occasion. I’m a fan of a heart-pumping group fitness workout but I’m not sure if that even counts as Unicorn Space. I like to write but my mind tells me “I’m not a writer.” I heard Eve Rodsky say in a podcast interview that we need to get away from “noun-ifying” our lives with comments like “I’m not a gardener” or “I’m not an artist” and instead to “verb-ify” our lives with “I grow stuff” or “I paint.” It’s process over perfection.

So here I am creating a blog post for my business website. I’m not a blogger. But occasionally I write. It’s a creative outlet. I enjoy the process. I have no idea if it makes any impact in the world but it impacts me as a pursuit of creative self-expression. It’s a Unicorn Space and I’m planning to spend more time actively pursuing this.

FYI I’ve grown increasingly interested in mental health for all, not just for folks who have a mental health diagnosis. Everyone can improve their mental health and work toward a more fulfilling life. I think that’s the purpose of this blog – to bring awareness and some tidbits for anyone to use. Perhaps this will spark an interest in someone to find their own Unicorn Space.

Creating a Gap Plan

November 13, 2020Leave a comment

I looked at the case numbers today and my state is ranked 10^th in per capita Covid cases in the U.S. Not a place where anyone wants to make the top ten. The county next door has the third highest rate for counties in Kansas and I can only assume that my county is headed on a similar upward trend.

Starting Monday we begin the third stretch of remote schooling since the pandemic started. And it’s stressful to think of trying to work full-time and teach full-time while staying sane. Gratefully I have a partner who will share the responsibility of virtual school, but the truth is, our family functions better when there is in-person school. It’s good for all our mental health.

What to do now? I keep thinking back to an episode from Brene’ Brown on her podcast Unlocking Us {found here} that introduced to me the concept of creating a Family Gap Plan. Basically she outlines creating a plan for handling situations when we’re feeling stressed and run ragged and can’t show up in a relationship with 50% of the needed energy for the relationship. I love that she says “strong, lasting relationships are rarely 50/50 because life does not work that way.” Sometimes I have 20 and my partner picks up the 80 and vice versa. But the pandemic has made it so there are days where each of us shows up with only 20 and we have a gap of 60 and that’s where the Family Gap Plan comes in.

Brene’ talks about sleep and movement, how to apologize, and puns and knock knock jokes as part of her Family Gap Plan. My Family Gap Plan includes sleep, walks, saying “no,” letting go of perfectionism, and movie nights with frozen pizza. The plan is still a work in progress but in the last few months I have taken myself off several volunteer boards, reduced my work hours and prioritized sleep and exercise. And today I will be stocking up on frozen pizza because next week when I am trying to work full time, educate my kids at home, and show up as a therapist/business owner/wife/mom/daughter/sister/friend I know I will need to access my gap plan.

Update on Teletherapy

March 20, 2020Leave a comment

close up photography of woman sitting beside table while using macbook

Photo by Andrew Neel on Pexels.com

It is with a heavy heart that I announce I’m moving to telehealth-only for my clients for the foreseeable future. This only affects clients working with me (Sarah Olson). The other therapists are working on a case by case basis regarding teletherapy. Each therapist works with a different client population and has multiple factors to consider.

Two factors have influenced this decision for me. One is that Kansas school closings have created challenges with having childcare for my children ages 4, 7, and 9. Grandparents have been helpful but the total of this childcare does not equal the 37.5 hours per week previously provided by public school attendance. The other factor is social distancing. I finalized this decision after a day of working in my office and then coming home to read this article about a therapist and coronavirus. I’m the only therapist in the office who can take Medicare and I want to be extra mindful of not spreading infection to that vulnerable population. I also want to prevent the possibility of bringing illness home with me. In truth, I strongly considered not making this move. Sitting one-on-one in a therapy office, it is possible to maintain close to 6 feet of social distance and I have had clients be very mindful of any illness symptoms and cancel if they feel sick. Surfaces are being wiped down more frequently. These factors fit in with KDHE’s current recommendations about social distancing.

So, what does this mean? I’m reaching out to current clients to work on shifting appointments to telehealth whenever possible and working on alternative arrangements when that is not possible. Once that is finalized, I’ll determine if I have openings for additional client appointments.

I’ve been trying to find any positive in the current situation. One aspect is that the huge reduction in personal activities and obligations means that I can set appointments at times I normally wouldn’t have been able. For example, not having evening school events or Saturday sports has opened up therapy spots outside the traditional work day. I look forward to being flexible in order to meet the needs of my clients.

The current situation has increased our anxiety as a culture in unprecedented ways. There are so many unknowns about health, education, employment, finances…the list goes on. Social distancing is stressful and isolating. Please know that I, and all the staff at Horizon Mental Health, will continue to serve the needs of our community in all the ways we can. If you are a current client and need to discuss your appointment, please call the office at 785-740-4647 and leave a message with your therapist. If you are a potential new client, please call the office or email Jennifer at office@horizon-mentalhealth.com.

Book Report: Talking to Kids about COVID-19

March 9, 2020Leave a comment

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If you are a parent of school-age children, you may have heard some talk coming home about COVID-19, or coronavirus. We don’t watch news with our kids, but mine have already gotten a snippet here or there from parent conversation, the radio in the car, or kids talking at school. They’ve had questions. Worries. I’m sure, like me, your kneejerk reaction might be to dismiss this as “everything’s fine” or “you’re safe, that won’t happen here.” I believe anything we don’t talk about speaks volumes to kids. When presented with untouchable topics, kids will fill in the blanks, often creating their own worst case scenario. The kid thought process goes “if we don’t talk about it, it must be really bad.”

So how to handle the current infections disease epidemic with children? Everything I’ve seen and read speaks to good hygiene. Wash your hands. Avoid sick people. Stay home if you’re sick. The same rules for preventing influenza or any other illness apply here.

I love the book Germs are not for Sharing by Elizabetha Verdick that I think fits nicely into the current discussion for talking to kids about infectious disease. It’s geared toward preschoolers but I think even younger kids up to mid-elementary could find this useful. I used to read it to kids in elementary classrooms and I’ve read it to my own kids. The book sticks to a positive and helpful message…germs are everywhere, they’re not all bad, but we should work to keep ours to ourselves because some of them can make us sick.

If your kids are asking about coronavirus, this might be a helpful tool. It goes into the basics of proper handwashing and highlights places where germs tend to hang out. The pictures are engaging and kid-friendly. Even the germs have a funny cartoonish fuzz-ball appearance, often doing funny things like wearing a scuba mask while being washed down the drain.

Bonus is at the back of the book there are grown up tips for talking about germs. If you’re at a loss with younger children asking about sickness, this is a great place to start. Remember that it’s ok to talk about worries with kids. Helping them feel empowered that they have ways to stay healthy is a good place to start. Regarding coronavirus, at my house we’re going to stick with the message that 1) the illness is not widespread in our area now, 2) springtime tends to be a healthier season when we can play outside more and hopefully spread fewer germs, 3) most people who do get the virus recover, 4) and kids have ways to keep themselves healthy (i.e. tools from Germs are not for Sharing).

Germs are not for Sharing paperback can be found here

And the board book here

Disclaimer: This post is no way intended to be a replacement for mental health therapy but rather basic tools for parents. If your child is worrying excessively in a way that is interfering with school or home life, reach out to a therapist for more help and support.